As a parent, there's nothing worse than watching your child struggle. If you've got a grown child who consistently asks for financial assistance, you're not alone.
But before you raid your 401(k) to bail them out, there may be better ways to offer lasting support to your floundering child. Here is how to help them in a way that fosters their resilience while allowing you to keep more cash in your wallet.
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Avoid enabling their bad behavior
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Saying "no" to a child can feel heartless. However, rescuing your child every time they overspend or fall behind on a bill isn't helping them in the long run.
Parents can offer guidance and emotional support, but they should remain cautious about writing a check. Encourage your child to pay their bills on their own and help them create a plan to avoid falling into this trap again.
Establish clear boundaries
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Before your child asks for help again, clarify what you're willing to do and what is off the table.
Are you willing to cover rent but not utilities? Will you offer to pay for a bus pass but not car repairs?
Setting limits can help your child build resilience and financial independence.
Promote accountability
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Don't offer to help your child with no strings attached. Instead, insist on accountability.
For example, you might require your child to show you in detail how they plan to reduce their spending in the coming months. Or, perhaps in exchange for agreeing to help financially, you can ask your child to look for a part-time job that helps them earn extra income.
Holding your child accountable will promote ongoing financial responsibility.
Resolve $10,000 or more of your debt
Credit card debt is suffocating. It constantly weighs on your mind and controls every choice you make. You can end up emotionally and even physically drained from it. And even though you make regular payments, it feels like you can never make any progress because of the interest.
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Only offer as much financial help as you can afford
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It's tempting to want to be your child's safety net. But remember, you have your own financial well-being to consider.
Don't bail out your child at the expense of sacrificing your own financial stability. Only give as much money as you can afford while still saving for retirement or pursuing other goals that help you get ahead financially.
Make sure your financial assistance is a loan, not a gift
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Some experts recommend that parents give their adult children loans rather than outright cash gifts.
If you want to help your child develop a sense of financial responsibility, you might charge a small rate of interest on the loan and require regular payments.
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Help them take control of their debts
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Debt can be a huge albatross for adult children. Your child may be drowning in student loans, credit card bills, and other growing piles of unpaid obligations.
Help your child prioritize debts and understand their options, such as loan consolidation or refinancing. You can't erase their obligations, but you can help them create a path forward to tackle them.
Craft a budget with them
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Few people enjoy budgeting. But if your adult child is a financial trainwreck, learning how to manage a budget is crucial. It may even bring them a deep sense of relief.
Help your child map out a realistic monthly plan. Encourage them to cut non-essentials and discuss needs versus wants. If your child wants your help, they should be willing to open the books.
Avoid repeated bailouts
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It can be hard to resist emotional pleas. After all, nearly every parent prioritizes helping their kids.
One-time help can be generous. But repeated bailouts quickly spiral into a trap for you and your child.
Draw a hard line and communicate it clearly: "This is the last time I'll cover this expense." You are trying to support your child's economic independence, not their unhealthy money patterns.
Direct them to a financial professional
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A financial professional, such as a credit counselor, financial advisor, or other qualified expert, can help your child view their financial situation objectively.
This might help the child manage financial challenges without the emotional parent-child dynamic.
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Bottom line
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There is no doubt that many younger adults are struggling. According to a Savings.com report, 50% of all parents financially help adult children, shelling out about $1,474 a month on average.
You can help your child move beyond living paycheck to paycheck without sacrificing your own financial well-being. This may mean your child needs to move back home for a time, take on part-time work, or develop new skills to improve job prospects.
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